CSI: The Night Shift

Season 5 Quotes

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501  Viva Las Vegas
Greg: So there's good news and bad news. Good news is, this is the busiest lab in the country. Bad news is, this is the busiest lab in the country
Chandra Moore: That's why I'm here.
Greg: I waited for you forever. I LOVE you!
Sara: (to a mirror) So I had some time to think while I was away...enough time to figure out why I made such a stupid mistake. I do not have a drinking problem...I have a *me* problem. My P.E.A.P. counselor suggested that it would be a good idea for me to talk to my supervisor...and that's you...Grissom. (pause) I never told you about my family...I never told anyone about my family, why would I--   Listen to it
Warrick: I hate lawyers, I hate court. They all need to dry up and die.
Grissom: (to Greg) Did you get her blood yet?
Chandra Moore: What? Why?
Grissom: So many reasons.
Catherine: Grissom! You can't possibly call that thing *my* office. It's a cupboard!
Brass: [Grissom and Greg enter the crime scene] Hey, Gil. Oh, hey, you got something stuck to your shoe. Oh, no, it's just Sanders.
Sara: You are so late! What happened to you?
Nick: *I'm* late?
Nick: [about a half buried "alien"] One thing's for sure: it's gonna take a lot longer gettin' him out than it did gettin' him in.
Detective Travis: Can't you just beam him back to the morgue?
Catherine: (to Doc Robbins) You ever try shaking your ass in 4-inch heels? (pause) Don't answer that.
Grissom: It's okay to say you don't know, Greg. That's why we have a trace lab.
502 Down the Drain
Sara: (to Greg) I heard you finally lost your virginity. 
Sara: (clarifies)  First autopsy.  How was it?
Greg: It was fine.  How was your first time?  How did you react?
Sara: I puked.
Greg: I didn't puke.
Sara: Way to go, tough guy.
Greg: It was weird, seeing a body laying on a table like that.  Doc Robbins just pulling out his insides until it was all empty.
Sara: Were you expecting a ball of light?
Greg: Doc Robbins said, "That's all we really are."
Sara: It's what you do with it that counts.
Greg: What are you doing?
Grissom: Good.  You're here.  Fill this up for me, will ya?
[Grissom tosses him a specimen cup.]  
Greg: With what?
Grissom: It's a urine specimen cup, Greg.  What do you think?
Greg: Okay.
Greg: This is some kind of CSI hazing.  Make me appreciate blood and semen more.
Warrick: (to Sara) Put down your stuff and step away from the closet.
Sara: I don't have a death wish, and I'm not a drunk, in case you were worried.
Grissom: I'm not worried. I'm concerned.
Sara: Isn't that kind of the same thing?
503 Harvest
Catherine: How old would you say he is, Jimmy?
Jimmy Jones: Old. Like 30.
Warrick: Whew. That's a lot of perverts.
Nick: Get out of jail, come to Vegas.
Mia Dickerson: I was very thorough.
Grissom: Run it again, please.
Sara: Greg, you said you wanted to help out.
Greg: Well, yeah, with searching April's apartment...maybe finding the bad guy.
Sara: This counts as field work, you know.
Greg: Hmm. I'm smiling on the inside.
Sara: Dirty laundry or garbage? [before Greg can get a word in] You know what? You take the garbage.
504  Crow's Feet
Nick: Hey, uh, do you have a problem with me, doctor?
Dr. Malaga: Excuse me?
Nick: Well, there are two of us here and you're only addressing my colleague, so...
Dr. Malaga: Well, she's a very beautiful woman. (to Cath) You have Venus de Milo aesthetics.
[Nick takes a look for himself]
Catherine: We'll be getting a court order for Miss Stern's records...
Rory Kendal: I got the flu.
Sara: If that's true, then your urine will be sulfural-flouride-free.
Greg: But if you're lying, "urine" big trouble.
[while perusing a victim's house for anti-aging supplements]
Nick: You think these supplements really do any good?
Catherine: Why are you asking me?
Nick: I'm just asking a question, Catherine.
Nick: More lotions and potions.
Cath: You gonna ask me if this stuff works, too?
Nick: No...I'm gonna process the bathroom...
David: [walking in on Cath feeling Nick's arm muscle; he carries the victim's purse over his shoulder] Ahem! Sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt--barge in...
Nick: No, no, it's alright, Superdave. Nice purse.
Nick: [noticing Catherine admiring other women in a plastic surgeon's office] You don't actually think you need this stuff do you?
Catherine: It's Vegas, Nicky. Everybody needs it
Nick: Hmm...you don't.

Grissom: Does it ever bother you that you make your living killing insects?
Exterminator: What kind of a question is that?
505  Swap Meet
Hodges: Good thing you dont have to take a spelling test to work the field. "Funtain" water?
Greg: My people are Norwegian. That's how we spell it.
Greg: She [Mia] blew you off, didn't she?
Hodges: The water from the fountain is heavily chlorinated. And, no, she
didn't blow me off. I didn't ask her out. But this sample found in your vic's lungs contains polymethaexalinebiguanide. And anyway, I heard she blew you off first. It's a chlorine alternative. It's less irritating.
Greg: Vanessa Keaton died in a pool.
Hodges: Or a spa. And by the way, that's spelled S-P-A in any language.
507  Formalities
Catherine: What are you doing?
[Grissom picks up the step-by-step illustrated instruction sheet for how to tie his tie.]
Grissom: (frustrated)  I'm going insane.  I don't understand this diagram.
Catherine: You don't need a diagram. 
[Grissom starts fiddling with his tie again.] 
Catherine: You need a woman. 
[Grissom enters a casino after stepping out of his speech at Ecklie's toast]
Officer: Hey, Griss ... what's with the monkey suit?
Grissom: I was at a funeral across the street.
Officer: At a casino?  My condolences.
[Grissom and Sofia Curtis process a casino hotel room]
Sofia Curtis: No beer or liquor.  Just water, yogurt, and OJ.
[Grissom looks up as Sofia continues to mutter to herself.] 
Sofia: Mixers, not for drinks ... maybe for drugs.  Right, "ph" in the stomach speeds the buzz.  I think there's narco around here somewhere.
Grissom: A-a-are you talking to me?
Sofia: No.
Grissom: Do you always process like this?
Sofia: Like what?
Grissom: With your mouth. 
Sofia:  Whenever I meet someone new, I always say their name out loud a few times. Keeps a picture in my head.
Grissom: Hm ... I thought that's why we had cameras.
Sofia: [after realizing that Grissom isn't paying attention] That time I was talking to you.
Grissom: What? Sorry.  I was, uh, treating it like white noise.
Nick: Hey, I heard Grissom stuck you with his speech.
Catherine: A napkin is not a speech.
Gavin: Look, my name is Gavin.  You got my license, check it.
Brass: No, no, it's "Rex," you know, as in Rx.  I guess it's a lot more subtle than "drugstore," right?
Ecklie: Oh, you know ... I'd love to get a copy of your speech. Just a little souvenir for my scrapbook.
Grissom:  (nods)  I'll get you a copy.
Ecklie: That'd be great.
[Catherine passes by in the hallway and stops.  She watches Grissom talk and answer himself.] 
Grissom: (to himself)  I'm thinking sheep. Merino. Fine wool for fine fabrics.
Catherine: Why are you talking to yourself?
Grissom: I'm trying a new technique.
Catherine: Is it working?
Grissom: I have no idea.
511  Who Shot Sherlock?
Greg: So are you going to say, "The game's afoot?"
Grissom: I didn't know you were a Conan Doyle fan, Greg.
Greg: I'm not. I saw a Sherlock Holmes movie once...by mistake.
Brass: You know, I think you oughtta drop the accent.
Josh Frost/Moriarty: I can't. I'm English.
[Nick, standing inside a Jeep, jiggles the vehicle to make the (ballistic) jelly man wiggle]
Catherine: Watch it wiggle, see it jiggle. I get it.   Watch it
Catherine: (to Warrick and Nick) Congratulations. You killed the Jeep, but the victim's still alive.
Ecklie: Did I make a mistake promoting you?
Catherine: Yeah. Should've given me day shift. (lightly) But I'm makin' it work!

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