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501 Viva Las Vegas
Greg: So there's good news and bad news. Good news is, this is
the busiest lab in the country. Bad news is, this is the busiest lab in the country
Chandra Moore: That's why I'm here.
Greg: I waited for you forever. I LOVE you!
----------------
Sara: (to a mirror) So I had some time to think while I
was away...enough time to figure out why I made such a stupid mistake. I do not have a drinking problem...I have
a *me* problem. My P.E.A.P. counselor suggested that it would be a good idea for me to talk to my supervisor...and that's
you...Grissom. (pause) I never told you about my family...I never told anyone about my family, why would I-- Listen to it
----------------
Warrick: I hate lawyers, I hate court. They all need to dry up
and die.
Grissom: (to Greg) Did you get her blood yet?
Chandra Moore: What? Why?
Grissom: So many reasons.
----------------
Catherine: Grissom! You can't possibly call that thing *my* office.
It's a cupboard!
----------------
Brass: [Grissom and Greg enter the crime scene] Hey,
Gil. Oh, hey, you got something stuck to your shoe. Oh, no, it's just Sanders.
----------------
Sara: You are so late! What happened to you?
Nick: *I'm* late? ----------------
Nick: [about a half buried "alien"] One thing's for sure:
it's gonna take a lot longer gettin' him out than it did gettin' him in.
Detective Travis: Can't you just beam him back to the morgue? ----------------
Catherine: (to Doc Robbins) You ever try shaking your
ass in 4-inch heels? (pause) Don't answer that. ----------------
Grissom: It's okay to say you don't know, Greg. That's why we
have a trace lab.
502 Down the Drain
Sara: (to Greg) I heard you finally lost
your virginity.
Sara: (clarifies) First autopsy. How was it?
Greg:
It was fine. How was your first time? How did you react?
Sara: I puked.
Greg: I
didn't puke.
Sara: Way to go, tough guy.
Greg: It was weird, seeing a body
laying on a table like that. Doc Robbins just pulling out his insides until it was all empty.
Sara: Were
you expecting a ball of light?
Greg: Doc Robbins said, "That's all we really are."
Sara: It's
what you do with it that counts.
----------------
Greg: What are you doing?
Grissom: Good.
You're here. Fill this up for me, will ya?
[Grissom tosses him a specimen cup.]
Greg:
With what?
Grissom: It's a urine specimen cup, Greg. What do you think?
Greg:
Okay. ----------------
Greg: This is some kind of CSI hazing. Make me appreciate
blood and semen more.
----------------
Warrick: (to Sara) Put down your stuff and step away
from the closet. ----------------
Sara: I don't have a death wish, and I'm not a drunk, in case
you were worried.
Grissom: I'm not worried. I'm concerned.
Sara: Isn't that
kind of the same thing?
503 Harvest
Catherine: How old would you say he is, Jimmy?
Jimmy Jones: Old. Like 30. ----------------
Warrick: Whew. That's a lot of perverts.
Nick: Get out of jail, come to Vegas.
----------------
Mia Dickerson: I was very thorough.
Grissom: Run it again, please.
----------------
Sara: Greg, you said you wanted to help out.
Greg: Well, yeah, with searching April's apartment...maybe finding
the bad guy.
Sara: This counts as field work, you know.
Greg: Hmm. I'm smiling on the inside.
Sara: Dirty laundry or garbage? [before Greg can get a word
in] You know what? You take the garbage.
504 Crow's Feet
Nick: Hey, uh, do you have a problem with me, doctor?
Dr. Malaga:
Excuse me?
Nick: Well, there are two of us here and you're only addressing my colleague, so...
Dr.
Malaga: Well, she's a very beautiful woman. (to Cath) You have Venus de Milo aesthetics.
[Nick takes
a look for himself]
Catherine: We'll be getting a court order for Miss Stern's records...
----------------
Rory Kendal: I got the flu.
Sara: If that's true, then
your urine will be sulfural-flouride-free.
Greg: But if you're lying, "urine" big trouble.
----------------
[while perusing a victim's house for anti-aging supplements]
Nick: You
think these supplements really do any good?
Catherine: Why are you asking me?
Nick:
I'm just asking a question, Catherine.
(later)
Nick: More lotions and potions.
Cath: You
gonna ask me if this stuff works, too?
Nick: No...I'm gonna process the bathroom...
----------------
David: [walking in on Cath feeling Nick's arm muscle; he carries the victim's
purse over his shoulder] Ahem! Sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt--barge in...
Nick: No,
no, it's alright, Superdave. Nice purse.
----------------
Nick: [noticing Catherine admiring other women in a plastic
surgeon's office] You don't actually think you need this stuff do you?
Catherine: It's Vegas, Nicky.
Everybody needs it
Nick: Hmm...you don't.
----------------
Grissom: Does it ever bother you that you make your living killing insects?
Exterminator:
What kind of a question is that?
505 Swap Meet
Hodges: Good thing you dont have to take a spelling test to work the field. "Funtain" water?
Greg: My people are Norwegian. That's how we spell it.
(later)
Greg: She [Mia] blew you off, didn't she?
Hodges: The
water from the fountain is heavily chlorinated. And, no, she didn't blow me off. I didn't ask her
out. But this sample found in your vic's lungs contains polymethaexalinebiguanide. And anyway, I heard
she blew you off first. It's a chlorine alternative. It's less irritating.
Greg: Vanessa
Keaton died in a pool.
Hodges: Or a spa. And by the way, that's spelled S-P-A in any language.
507 Formalities
Catherine: What are you doing?
[Grissom picks up the step-by-step illustrated
instruction sheet for how to tie his tie.]
Grissom: (frustrated) I'm going insane.
I don't understand this diagram.
Catherine: You don't need a diagram.
[Grissom starts fiddling
with his tie again.]
Catherine: You need a woman.
----------------
[Grissom enters a casino after stepping out of his speech at Ecklie's toast]
Officer:
Hey, Griss ... what's with the monkey suit?
Grissom: I was at a funeral across the street.
Officer:
At a casino? My condolences.
----------------
[Grissom and Sofia Curtis process a casino hotel room]
Sofia Curtis:
No beer or liquor. Just water, yogurt, and OJ.
[Grissom looks up as Sofia continues to mutter to herself.]
Sofia: Mixers, not for drinks ... maybe for drugs. Right, "ph" in the stomach speeds the buzz.
I think there's narco around here somewhere.
Grissom: A-a-are you talking to me?
Sofia:
No.
Grissom: Do you always process like this?
Sofia: Like what?
Grissom:
With your mouth.
Sofia: Whenever I meet someone new, I always say their name out loud a few
times. Keeps a picture in my head.
Grissom: Hm ... I thought that's why we had cameras.
(later...)
Sofia: [after realizing that Grissom isn't paying attention] That time
I was talking to you.
Grissom: What? Sorry. I was, uh, treating it like white
noise.
----------------
Nick: Hey, I heard Grissom stuck you with his speech.
Catherine:
A napkin is not a speech.
----------------
Gavin: Look, my name is Gavin. You got my license, check it.
Brass:
No, no, it's "Rex," you know, as in Rx. I guess it's a lot more subtle than "drugstore," right?
----------------
Ecklie: Oh, you know ... I'd love to get a copy of your speech. Just a little souvenir
for my scrapbook.
Grissom: (nods) I'll get you a copy.
Ecklie:
That'd be great.
----------------
[Catherine passes by in the hallway and stops. She watches Grissom talk and answer himself.]
Grissom: (to himself) I'm thinking sheep. Merino. Fine wool for fine fabrics.
Catherine:
Why are you talking to yourself?
Grissom: I'm trying a new technique.
Catherine: Is
it working?
Grissom: I have no idea.
511 Who Shot Sherlock?
Greg: So are you going to say, "The game's afoot?"
Grissom: I didn't know you were a Conan Doyle fan, Greg.
Greg: I'm not. I saw a Sherlock Holmes movie once...by mistake.
----------------
Brass: You know, I think you oughtta drop the accent.
Josh Frost/Moriarty: I can't. I'm English.
----------------
[Nick, standing inside a Jeep, jiggles the vehicle to make the (ballistic) jelly man wiggle]
Catherine: Watch it wiggle, see it jiggle. I get it. Watch it
----------------
Catherine: (to Warrick and Nick) Congratulations. You killed the
Jeep, but the victim's still alive.
----------------
Ecklie: Did I make a mistake promoting you?
Catherine: Yeah. Should've given me day shift. (lightly) But I'm makin' it work!
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